My Ambitionz Az A Rider
A response to “Why I Hate Bikes”
Dear Christina,
I would like to speak up on behalf of my people after your
heresy went viral on Her Campus. I am a Rider. A bike Rider. These are my
Ambitonz.
When I wake up in the morning, I too wish to arrive to class
on time unharmed both physically and emotionally. If you have ever
sprinted from the 40 to Eads with a full backpack and a measly excuse for a
breakfast in hand, you know this is seldom accomplished. Either I will be
marked with a second grade-crippling tardy, will drop my apple in the Underpass
grime, or will arrive sweating and shambly to my intimate seven person
discussion, socially paralyzing myself as I struggle to catch a slight breeze
from the closing door.
Granted, I
demagnetized myself from bed at 9:45 for the 10am, but it’s those Golden
Minutes from 9-9:45 that really keep me mentally sharp for the day. It’s the
difference between fighting off a yawn and falling victim to a midday nap in Benson’s
lecture. A striking difference indeed. This
is where my two-wheeled boss hog of a bicycle comes into the picture. Divide
any travel time on two feet by a factor of 4 on two wheels. The 40 to Eads?
Maximum 3 minute trek, no sweat stains. Welcome to the life of a Rider. You
can’t blame us for the efficiency.
Christina, you’re a great girl. You really are. But I cannot stand idly by as
you slander my people. Candidly, I find it troubling that you have not even
tried to consider our perspective. At the end of the day, when the dust as
settled, and all the bikes are parked in their provided racks for the night, we are
benign souls just trying our best to minimize our travel time. Hell, for as
many times as we have accidentally driven you off the path, we have definitely
crashed into that deceptively high curb trying to avoid you. Even for a female,
this results in blunt impact with the seat that is far from ideal. My point is
both sides have suffered for the other.
My dear friend, in the name of all that is right and just, I
propose a truce. The Riders acknowledge the qualms of the Bipeds. We hear you. We
see you. Personally, I vow to apply the brakes liberally, slow down in the
bottle neck caused by Olinpocolypse, and not be afraid to off road so I don’t
disperse the squad of females discussing their epic weekend on the entireity of
the sidewalk. I can only hope my fellow Riders will rally with me. With hope,
both sides will coexist as one student body. This is Our Campus.
Next time you see a Rider, remember these words. Stick out
your hand for a Mobile High Five. Tip your hat as we pedal by. They say
timeliness is of the essence, and us bikers are trying to capture this essence,
just the same as you. We might just do it a little worse on two feet.
To diplomatic
relations past, present, and future…
Dempsey
